"Love, Salvation, the Fear of Death"

When I was younger, I don't remember ever fearing death. I certainly feared other things - for a time, I distinctly recall praying that no killers would break into our house at night, that no burglars would rob us, and that no fires would ignite while we slept. Yet when it came to the subject of dying, I think I most often regarded it as a natural act, lying at the opposite end of birth. Call it the influence of having a pastor for a father and attending dozens of funerals while I grew up.

But the other day, while sitting in a dentist's waiting room (of all places), I was suddenly gripped with a terrible, paralyzing fear of death. I was reminded of my fears about heaven when I was a kid. "How could something that doesn't end," I used to think, "no matter how heavenly, be forever satisfying?" Sitting in that office, I had to work my mind through all these thoughts of darkness and never-ending...something. And then I had reassure myself about my life, my faith, and my future.

It made me think of an older song by Sixpence None the Richer which used to really resonate with me. (I always connected with the part where she sings "And I'm not afraid to admit / how much I hate myself") ---

"Love, Salvation, the Fear of Death"