Current distractions

I'm in the midst of finishing a few books, which is a fairly regular place for me to be ---

"Player Piano" by Kurt Vonnegut - One of my favorite writers, this book hasn't quite taken flight as quickly as some of his other works. But it still contains the same cynical, maniacal fantasies that he is best at creating. I sympathize with his skepticism of organized anything and his faith in the goodness of solitary man. (It's also difficult to dislike a guy who gave some of his own books "C-" ratings).

"The Catcher In the Rye" by J.D. Salinger - I reread this book every year or two. On this occasion, it hasn't read as smoothly as years before. Talking to a coworker of mine, I realized that maybe Salinger is a better short story writer (i.e. taken in small doses) than author of novels. This is not a knock on his talent - masters like Cheever and Chekhov are best known for their shorter works - but more a realization after a long love affair.

"From Hell" by Alan Moore - A Christmas gift from my younger sister, I always felt reluctant to gift this book myself. Jack the Ripper is a gory topic, but it's surprisingly deep in its subject matter. Moore explores the history of architecture - the movements, idols, and misogyny that once drove it - and the way it has shaped various cultures. It's as if we have no choice but to be influenced by the men and women who came before us. Heavy stuff.

"The Righteous Path"

I've been dwelling on a song by the Drive-By Truckers that I can't get out of my head. Is this one of those tunes you're not supposed to appreciate until you're older? In any case, it rings true to me.

"The Righteous Path"

I got a brand new car that drinks a bunch of gas
I got a house in a neighborhood that's fading fast
I got a dog and a cat that don't fight too much
I got a few hundred channels to keep me in touch
I got a beautiful wife and three tow-headed kids
I got a couple of big secrets I'd kill to keep hid
I don't know God but I fear his wrath
I'm trying to stay focused on the righteous path

I got a couple of opinions that I hold dear
A whole lot of debt and a whole lot of fear
I got an itch that needs scratching but it feels alright
I got the need to blow it out on Saturday night
I got a grill in the backyard and a case of beers
I got a boat that ain't seen the water in years
More bills than money, I can do the math
I'm trying to keep focused on the righteous path

I'm trying to keep focused as I drive down the road
On the ditches and the curves and the heavy load
Ain't bitching bout things that aren't in my grasp
Just trying to hold steady on the righteous path

There's this friend of mine I've known all my life
Who can't get it right no matter how hard he tries
He's got kids he don't see and several ex-wives
And a list of bad decisions bout eight miles wide
Trouble with the law and the IRS
And where he'll get the money's anybody's guess
He's a long way off but if you was to ask
He'd say he's trying to stay focused on the righteous path

Trying to keep focused as we drive down the road
Like we did back in High School before the world turned cold
Now the brakes are thin and the curves are fast
We're trying to hold steady on the righteous path

We're hanging out and we're hanging on
We're trying the best we can to keep keeping on
We got messed up minds for these messed up times
And it's a thin thin line separating his from mine

Trying to hold steady on the righteous path
80 miles and hour with a worn out map
No time for self-pity or self-righteous crap
Trying to stay focused on the righteous path

A few thoughts on Christmas

On Christmas music: Is there any good contemporary Christmas music and where can it be found? I realize that many musicians release albums of Christmas music that were probably recorded in an afternoon at the studio. The cost is close to zero and the expectations are so low that turning a profit cannot be difficult. I'm sure that talented, current Christmas music is out there, but besides Sufjan Stevens, who is creating it?

On Christmas gifts: How much should a person in a long-term relationship spend on gifts? Is it contingent upon the years spent together? Relative to the current state of the relationship? If it's the former, does the amount spent top out after two or three years? If it's the latter, should a couple stay together if they spent less than they spent the year before? As long as no one is keeping track, I'm sure I'll be fine.

On bad Christmas sweater parties: How original. Seriously, no one has thought of that before. Also, why wasn't I invited?

("Put the Lights on the Tree" by Sufjan Stevens)

Snow days in the big city

I was talking with a coworker recently about big cities vs. small cities. Due to my background and experience, Portland - my current home - feels like a huge city. Cecily, haling from New York, finds Portland fairly quaint. I then explained that I grew up in Eastern Oregon and the conversation went something like this:

Me: Well, my hometown has about 17,000 people in it. So Portland...
Cecily: Wow. So, that's a tiny town.
Me: Well, not really. It's actually the largest town in Eastern Oregon. My girlfriend, she's from a farming town outside of mine. Probably a thousand people or so.
Cecily: Okay, so that's a small town.

After this conversation, I got to thinking about how small town folk are not necessarily prepared to live in larger cities (and maybe vice versa). It seems that, more and more every year, I keep hearing about old classmates moving back to our hometown or surrounding communities. I know I shouldn't be surprised at their return - I've certainly been tempted to do the same in the past. It's a comfortable move, even if I find the thought of it a little depressing.

In other news, it's been snowing off and on for a week in Portland, and the place nearly shuts down while city drivers drive too fast, too slow, or buy ill-fitting chains and put them on the wrong tires. Meanwhile, in my hometown, my dad is telling me a foot of snow is on the ground, "but people seem to be getting around fine." Hilarious.

The Old Corp Speak

It occurred to me today that I hadn't touched upon the "corp speak" phrase that most annoys me. (I was reminded of it while talking with another coworker who shares my sentiment) :

"Job security"

Ugh.

It's most often used by a supervisor when you, as a low-level, corporate lackey, are undertaking a menial task that has either no purpose or has been conceived solely as a means of time-wasting (or "minesweeping"). But the problem is, the only people who say "well, I guess it's job security" are people who A) don't have to worry about their own job security and B) don't have to do whatever task is supposedly providing this job security.

Surprise! You have a cavity!

A lot of people say they like surprises. What they really mean is that they enjoy pleasant surprises. It is usually a surprise when someone knocks on your door to inform you they ran over your cat, or when you return home from vacation to find your basement flooded (as my parents did a few years ago). I know of very few people who enjoy the surprise of a parking ticket or cavity.

On the flipside, you have people who hate surprises and often cry when something catches them off guard. (You criers know who you are). It starts with an innocent "boo" and ends with a sob. And, strangely enough, for every person who likes to hide behind doors or under beds there is a person who is ready to cry when they jump out. These two camps should form their own nations, the criers and the boo-ers, so that no more unpleasant surprises can occur between friends, family, and lovers.

The New Corp Speak

My coworker, Eli, and I were talking about corporate speak, the business savvy jargon that relies heavily on mixed metaphors. Outside the box, up-selling, kicking the tires - these are all repeated ad nauseum, despite the fact that some people have no idea what they mean. So we spent the day inventing a few phrases of our own. My favorites appear below:

Bikini wax the sun v. - to expect the impossible.
Minesweeper n. - a time-waster (person or thing).
Ooby dooby v. or n. - to make a mistake. An error.
Lift the skirt (or poke the bulge) v. - to investigate or test.
Peanuts and Coke n. - a period of lean economic policies.
Reduce the boob v. - to cut benefits.

An example:

"Listen up, people. I know there have been some rumblings in the office lately about layoffs and cutting costs and all that. But I wanna reassure you - the last thing we wanna do is reduce the boob around here. Honestly. We're family. That being said, there isn't a lot coming in or going out. You know that. So we need to run tight - it's gonna be peanuts and Coke around here for a while. We're not asking you guys to bikini wax the sun, but it's important we pound the pavement and do our homework on this Holmstead deal. I know you folks in accounting are really lifting the skirt on that project and I thank you. The rest of you: no minesweepers. We have our work cut out for us and we're an ooby dooby away from being another Pete Best. So get out there, fight the good fight, use your bootstraps, and try not to pet the rabbits along the way."