"Love, Salvation, the Fear of Death"

When I was younger, I don't remember ever fearing death. I certainly feared other things - for a time, I distinctly recall praying that no killers would break into our house at night, that no burglars would rob us, and that no fires would ignite while we slept. Yet when it came to the subject of dying, I think I most often regarded it as a natural act, lying at the opposite end of birth. Call it the influence of having a pastor for a father and attending dozens of funerals while I grew up.

But the other day, while sitting in a dentist's waiting room (of all places), I was suddenly gripped with a terrible, paralyzing fear of death. I was reminded of my fears about heaven when I was a kid. "How could something that doesn't end," I used to think, "no matter how heavenly, be forever satisfying?" Sitting in that office, I had to work my mind through all these thoughts of darkness and never-ending...something. And then I had reassure myself about my life, my faith, and my future.

It made me think of an older song by Sixpence None the Richer which used to really resonate with me. (I always connected with the part where she sings "And I'm not afraid to admit / how much I hate myself") ---

"Love, Salvation, the Fear of Death"

"Dancehall Places"

I discovered this song and video about a year ago and I've been listening to it ever since. Damien Jurado is one of those artists I'm always surprised more music lovers aren't aware of. He combines a lot of that folk-inspired Nebraska-era Springsteen with more experimental "found sound" and storytelling. (He actually draws a lot of critical comparisons - see my last post - to Raymond Carver). This song isn't necessarily his typical fare but I think it would be challenge for most people not to enjoy it ---

"Dancehall Places" - Mint Royale w/ Damien Jurado

"The Righteous Path"

I've been dwelling on a song by the Drive-By Truckers that I can't get out of my head. Is this one of those tunes you're not supposed to appreciate until you're older? In any case, it rings true to me.

"The Righteous Path"

I got a brand new car that drinks a bunch of gas
I got a house in a neighborhood that's fading fast
I got a dog and a cat that don't fight too much
I got a few hundred channels to keep me in touch
I got a beautiful wife and three tow-headed kids
I got a couple of big secrets I'd kill to keep hid
I don't know God but I fear his wrath
I'm trying to stay focused on the righteous path

I got a couple of opinions that I hold dear
A whole lot of debt and a whole lot of fear
I got an itch that needs scratching but it feels alright
I got the need to blow it out on Saturday night
I got a grill in the backyard and a case of beers
I got a boat that ain't seen the water in years
More bills than money, I can do the math
I'm trying to keep focused on the righteous path

I'm trying to keep focused as I drive down the road
On the ditches and the curves and the heavy load
Ain't bitching bout things that aren't in my grasp
Just trying to hold steady on the righteous path

There's this friend of mine I've known all my life
Who can't get it right no matter how hard he tries
He's got kids he don't see and several ex-wives
And a list of bad decisions bout eight miles wide
Trouble with the law and the IRS
And where he'll get the money's anybody's guess
He's a long way off but if you was to ask
He'd say he's trying to stay focused on the righteous path

Trying to keep focused as we drive down the road
Like we did back in High School before the world turned cold
Now the brakes are thin and the curves are fast
We're trying to hold steady on the righteous path

We're hanging out and we're hanging on
We're trying the best we can to keep keeping on
We got messed up minds for these messed up times
And it's a thin thin line separating his from mine

Trying to hold steady on the righteous path
80 miles and hour with a worn out map
No time for self-pity or self-righteous crap
Trying to stay focused on the righteous path

A few thoughts on Christmas

On Christmas music: Is there any good contemporary Christmas music and where can it be found? I realize that many musicians release albums of Christmas music that were probably recorded in an afternoon at the studio. The cost is close to zero and the expectations are so low that turning a profit cannot be difficult. I'm sure that talented, current Christmas music is out there, but besides Sufjan Stevens, who is creating it?

On Christmas gifts: How much should a person in a long-term relationship spend on gifts? Is it contingent upon the years spent together? Relative to the current state of the relationship? If it's the former, does the amount spent top out after two or three years? If it's the latter, should a couple stay together if they spent less than they spent the year before? As long as no one is keeping track, I'm sure I'll be fine.

On bad Christmas sweater parties: How original. Seriously, no one has thought of that before. Also, why wasn't I invited?

("Put the Lights on the Tree" by Sufjan Stevens)